“Who emit more CO2? Men or women?”
As television debates go, this probably wouldn’t be termed the most absurd theme, but it is likely to be shortlisted for that coveted award.
On April 22, considered the Earth Day – though some wondered whether it meant the other days were not – CWN, one of the world’s most popular news TV channels, hosted this debate.
After a goodish amount of efforts, the TV team had managed to rope in some exceptional speakers from both sides – men and women.
Who indeed emit more CO2? Men or women? – The debate started between an all-men team and an all-women team.
The women’s team got the chance to present their case first.
Lydia Bashley, the famous writer and feminist, spoke first. As expected, her arguments were trenchant. She was followed by Mary Isholl, the well-known industrialist, Amanda Knowles, the Grammy award-winning singer and finally Anastasia Swain, the socialite daughter of the globe’s most powerful shipping magnate. All their arguments had the force of logic and of tongue.
“Who whirrs around in big, fast cars?”
“Which of the two is a bunch of couch-potatoes and are habitual offenders when it comes to switching off the TV and the dishwasher?”
“Who cares little or nothing about wasting food – whether at home or elsewhere…”
“For whom are soccer scores more important than CO2 levels in the atmosphere?”
The last made almost all men wince – a wince born out of the truth in the argument and also the fact that almost all were Chelsea fans, and their team had lost rather badly (2-5) the day before to Man United.
Anastasia, who spoke last and had hit on the soccer thing, looked at the men’s faces, and she knew they had the debate in the bag. She doubted if anyone from the men’s team would even bother to speak after this debacle – and she secretly thanked Man United for enhancing the effect.
Richard, the men’s team leader was supposed to speak first, but after the football punch, his wince was followed by a series of gulps, and he thought it best to get the maverick in the team, Don Mistral, to start off.
Don went to the stage, looked this way and that, at the audience, and finally spoke, well, practically whispered, “I have really nothing to say about the womens’ environmental offenses. I just wish to speak about an industry.”
Boos from the audience were followed by faces made by Lydia and Amanda. Mary even spoke loud enough so Don could hear, “Industry indeed! Why don’t you just give up?”
Don coughed lightly and started, “The fashion industry emits multiple times the CO2 emissions as all emissions from TVs, dishwashers and football matches added together.”
He did not have to proceed further. The women’s team signalled they had given a walkover.
During the victory bash, Richard patted Don, “That was a fantastic knock-out statistic, mate. I am amazed you had such powerful data up your sleeve.”
“Well,” said Don, “I didn’t. It was just a guess.”
All the men, despite the effect of booze, were shocked and looked incredulously at Don, “You mean, you weren’t sure about that data?”
“No,” admitted Don, “but I was sure about something else: almost no one would have knowledge of CO2 emissions data for so many sectors.”